STILL HERE!

WOW. so life has been life. things have been good. all went smooth with custody issue. Went on the youth camp thing... AWESOME! i am actually getting to start a like going deeper bible study with the youth that would like to.. im so excited!!! ok. but the John sitch got weird. we were hangin out one night and then not sure exactly how things got to this point... but john was giving me a massage (my neck is always jacked up) and then started kissing my neck. it turned into rather a make out session before i really knew what was happening. it was REALLY WEIRD. like i said John had kind of become like a brother. it was strange. long story kinda short.. im kinda taking a step back with him. i feel like God is telling me to shut that door. I had never thought it would ever be more than a a GREAT friendship. i never thought he was the least bit attracted to me. I dunno well anyway. It is kinda sad. i feel like i lost a good friend.. but i guess its better it happened now instead of later when it would have been an even bigger issue. I am trusting God is closing that door because he is opening a better one. but yeah.... weird.. like REALLY REALLY weird. I will totally miss that friendship. there is no one else i can text 24 hours a day with random scriptual reference or bible questions or random thoughts like i did with him.. well at least not yet. Ive noticed God usually gets me alone with him before he does something big though.. so im waiting to see... im hoping for a husband. >;^J*)

The Return of the BLOG strikes back..again..or something

Dude. so ive been super totally busy. Zeh'en (Josiah) has been back with me for like 5 months.. hes visiting cousins right now. Tomorrow is the finalization of Yo's termination of parental rights. Im so excited/nervous. I will feel better once it is all final. I believe that God has already shut what no one can open... but my flesh is still a little shaky. Yeah so God has been awesome. in response to my last posts...I totally fell in love with John for a bit. No surprise there since he is the first man other than my father who treated me the way i should be treated... but yeah.... no.... God has made him into one of my best friends.. but hes so totally like my brother now like.. noooo.. thinking of him that way is just almost creepy. but dude... hes SUCH A GREAT BIG BROTHER. and Zeh'en (Josiah) LOVES him. well as for other news. i have been called back to my old church. its so cool. God is doing so many awesome things there. there is an AWESOME new youth pastor and im getting involved with the youth group and all those weird lonely bad temptations.. well actually there was only one. His name is Todd.... and im SOOOO over that. And God is totally starting stuff in this youth group. heh. not like "starting stuff" like picking fights.. but like dude its the brink of revival and i receive that! its super swell! I am just so excited. OH and i had an opportunity to talk to a lady whose son is going though addiction and i get to talk to him and in the name of Jesus were gonna get his butt in teen challenge!!! im so excited to see what God does in his life. I LOVE IT!! his name is Sol (Pronounced Saul) im so stoked... hes totally gonna be Pol ( pronounced Paul) come next year. IM CLAIMIN IT! so yeah that is kinda whats u 4 now. sooooo. dude the carpet in the spot im laying has the intermittent aroma of urine. i really ought to get like a desk/chair/normal person computer set up.... or perhaps i could lay on a less urinated patch of carpet. hmm.

SWELL

Well! Everything is being super swell. SUPER! So yeah. I was totally struggling with the whole trying to avoid the bad relationship thing. But God has just really helped me change my mind set. THANK GOD FOR JOHN! I totally just cried on the phone to him for ever the other night and i feel a lot better. I keep dealing with being tempted to go out with people who are no good for me because im lonely. But John called me on it. The truth is i am going to keep being tested until i pass. That means not letting myself be shaken. I havent even gone out with any of the temptations for like a few weeks... but it is that desire to that bothers me. Because its like i can feel the war between my flesh and my spirit. It throws me off kilter. But i know that thats why God sent John to me. A lot of this is because i miss my son. That makes me feel like really lonely. So God sent me like a super swell like ultimate Big Brother. ITS TOTALLY COOL! I never had a big brother. I love having big sisters... but none of my family is in Vegas any more. So its kinda like God is building a family for me here. He gave me John.... which is cool because hes around a lot. And he put me back in touch with My Walter Hoving home Big sister, and has given me some super cool work friends, and some really cool other friends from my group. But Satan put a few people in my path to try and give me the poisoned version of what God is building for me. Well i did fall into it at first, but God has been so awesome with helping me out of it. I just have to keep my eyes fixed on him. Its easy to be shaken sometimes. Especially when i start focusing to much on the earthly perspective. I know that things will be different once Zeh'en is back. OH YEAH! I'M TOTALLY GOING TO GIVE HIM A MIDDLE NAME!!! im so excited. Its like the best middle name ever!!!! His name will be Zeh'en Josiah Lee. SUPER!! Josiah is so awesome! he is in 2 kings. He is the King of Judah who destroyed all of the foreign Gods and high places and tore his robes when the book of the Law was found. It is said that no king before or since has turned so whole heartedly to the Lord. So i mentioned to John that i probably would have named him that if i had been where i am now. and he pointed out that Zeh'en doesnt have a middle name... so why not give him one! im totally JAZZED bout it. well i guess that is all for now! WOO HOO!!!!!!

CRIMENY!

Yeah. Crimeny is totally becoming my catch phrase. SO ANYWAY! i still dont have Zeh'en back... but things are getting there. I just started my new job. ITS AWESOME! Its like super low key. And i am getting my daily quota of hugs and stuff. Well anyhoo. Im just feeling super thankful this morning. Theres been some issues for me i guess. See my super swell friend John...is well... SWELL! I think God brought him in my life for lots of reasons. One of which is too keep me out of bad relationships. The way John treats me is totally a pattern for the way i should be treated by a guy. BUT Satan has been hurling everything he's got at me... and been trying to make me afraid of losing John. I guess its kinda weird. i dont know how to explain that. BUT God has been really workin in my heart and im giving it all back to him. I refuse to believe what Satan is saying and i am going to stand on the promise that God is in control. If God takes someone out of my life... I trust his choice to do so. If God brings someone in my life.. i trust him. If God makes me have to leave Vegas.. i trust him still. I AM REFUSING TO BE SHAKEN. I guess its like that old audio adrenaline song... "you can take my life my love, my liberty, lock me up... ILL STILL BE FREE! CUZ YOU CAN'T TAKE GOD FROM ME!" My hope is in the lord... my expectation comes from him. I need to stop focusing on WHAT God is blessing me with and start focusing my heart on the one who is blessing me. CRIMENY! I gotta go to work.. BUT IM SUPER EXCITED! THANK YOU JESUS!!!!