Here's to Hopin!

Well. I really want to stay in Vegas. I never thought i would say those words... but its true. This arid, dusty, allergenic, windy, unpredictable melting pot of sin has really grown on me. In recent years i have even been heard to say on a day in midsummer with the temp at about 115* F .. "It's not so bad" and even at 105* F.. "It's kinda nice". I dont know when exactly it happened.. but Vegas is my home. Well i spent a few hours putting in applications today. I put notice for a roommate needed at my church. I don't know if it is God's will or not. I guess we never really know that until after the fact. But i am encouraged to feel that if it is God's will... then nothing can stop it. Because i serve a God who opens what no one can shut, and shuts what no one can open. (Rev 3:7) I guess there are good things on both sides. I would really enjoy living with my sister. And it would give me the help i need to be able to get an education and everything. But i just really want to be able to make things work here. I want to have my own life that is dependent only on God and what he provides and helps me accomplish. For the righteous shall live by faith. But that faith is not exercised when theres always my family there picking up the pieces. I guess I just kinda feel like im ready to give all the good things God has stored up in my heart a chance to manifest in my life. I dunno. Ive never been very good at getting things done. I've always had a hard time with getting jobs. Once i get one im fine but ive always struggled with the whole trying to convince people to hire me part. Im only just barely learning the basics of managing my money and budgeting. But Im not who I was. I think i struggled with getting jobs before because i didnt like me... how could i convince someone else to. Now if i can just get to the interview im sure id have a really good shot. because i know that i can take on any job God gives me. While im still new at this whole life thing... how am i ever going to get it if i dont start doing it? I dont know. I just cant believe that God has brought me out of drugs, self hatred, bondage of every kind, emotional abuse, a horrible divorce/custody battle, and everything else to simply leave me hanging now. I feel like God has used so many things in so many ways to teach and guide me and build me up inside... i guess i just kinda hope that is so it can be released to help me make things work. I know it won't be easy. Single mom's always have it rough. But I think i am actually getting to the point where i actually feel joy in the middle of struggle. It's almost like an excitement that it means i know God is building me up and making me stronger. The more he does that the more i am eager to see what the out come will be. Why is he making me stronger unless it is to use me for his glory? Well i will leave with one of the most basic promises in the bible... "I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength!"Phil 4:13