Monday Madness!!!

Well. Tonight... er rather last night was my bowling night. Ha Ha I just wanted to say that. I am actually going to be having a bowling night. Thats crazy. Ive never really had any social sportish activity like on a regular basis. It was totally fun. That guy i kinda like er whatever was supposed to come. Last week i went with him and my other friend. He kinda seems like he doesnt really wanna hang out though. Maybe hes just to nice to blow me off bluntly and hopes ill figure it out. I dunno. But anyway he's the one who suggested having Monday night a bowling night because its cheap. But because i dont talk to him much lately i was like wanting to not have my fun activity based on hoping he still wanted to bowl. So i got a group of my friends from work. Then The guy flaked out anyway. I think maybe he's been going out with me out of pity. Oh well. Anyway. While i was a little disappointed when i called him from the bowling alley that he wasnt coming it was cool because i was able to still have a ton of fun. I also think that this is an answer to my prayer. I have been wasting a lot of time trying to analyze what is up with this guy. Theres not a lot of communication so i keep thinking things are one way then they are not. I was however becoming aware that this guy is not good for me. He is a christian and all.. but he doesnt seem to have the fire for it. When i hang out with him i have tons of fun... but it's like old fun. It makes me feel like who i used to be a little or something. I just feel like it gets in the way of my spiritual walk. I have been praying that God would just take hold of everything and get me back on track. Sunday was totally awesome. well and Saturday night. I go to service Saturday night and one bible study then i go to 2 bible studies on sunday morning. Everything was just totally clicking with this drive to get back on track. Now tonight even though i still wanted to see him, God told me no.. but showed me i could still have fun. I don't know that next time i will feel the need to call him. I had fun without him there, and i didn't leave trying to analyze anything. I guess i am really lonely. I miss my son a lot.. but i also really do want to get remarried someday. I want to be part of a strong spiritual union. This guy is not that guy. I want to meet someone who i can fall in love with their passion for Christ. I was drawn to this guy because of what i thought was there. While i admit he is still very close to my heart.. i also realize i was mistaken. He loves God... but still has a passion for the world. I wanted so bad to have someone special in my life... i was trying to make it be him... but i think God is being pretty clear.. its not him. I know that when God sends someone for me They will draw me nearer to God... not pull me away. As i was rereading some of my posts i was reminded of how much God is doing in my life. How much he has brought me through. The answers to my prayers. The miracles. I just get overwhelmed with awe and joy and love for my savior. If anything or anyone pulls me away from that... even a little... on what shall i stand? like the old hymn says "I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly trust in Jesus name" and it also says "when all around my soul gives way, he then is all my hope and stay" I cant trust twitterpated feelings. I can only trust in Jesus. And if those feelings lead me away.. then on what shall i stand when "all around my soul gives way?"