SUPER FANTASTIC

I GOT THE JOB!!!! im soooo happy!! AND not only that but the discount for Zeh'en to be there while i work is awesome!! i only pay 14 dollars a week!! oh im so happy! i just need to solidify child care plans for 2 evenings a week and im hoping to have zeh'en back by next week!!! i have missed him so much! i am also super excited because im gonna be starting the next phase! like ok. When i first got out of the program i had to learn to just function. Work and get the bills paid, scrape by if you will. As i got better with that then the divorce got more heated and i had to learn to keep on goin and how to let God have more control of me so i could handle it. Then i had to learn to trust God more as things with Zeh'ens dad got really hard and i was concerned about what was going on. Then i had to go through all of that time being lonely and deal with the fact that i have chosen the narrow gate...and sometimes that means you go alone. i had to balance all of those things with the strains of being a mom. I also had to learn to stand on Gods promises even when i cannot see the next step. That is a hard one especially when so many people are involved and they all want answers. well then after the pressure of the custody nightmare was lifted i had to let Zeh'en go for a bit. God started just working on me as me. All of those other things were me too, but since it was in the context of me being mom thats where everything was focused. God has used this time to remind me of the joy i have in being his child. And while i will always be mom , i am also just avenell. and i have been learning the joys of that. who i am in my friendships and how to balance my faith with life and people. Now that i have got this second job and a good set of support ( not in my family ) I feel like God is bringing all of these things together in my life and finally like the next phase begins. Im about to get to the part where it finally becomes my functioning life. not waiting on courts, waiting on situations, hoping the next step... its finally gonna be like LIFE! I will be combining the friendships and personal roles with the responsibilities and joys of motherhood. its hard to explain but im so excited about it. I am so excited to be of use to God. and i know to be of use i have to first use all the gifts and lessons to bring my own life to a balance of stability so that i am able to be used as a blessing for others. THANK YOU LORD!!!!!!!